Beaking New!! Worst fears realized! The bird flu that fled the nest to take flight through dog populations globally, dubbed “AVI=BARK 21,” then muttated feather to leave the kennel and take a walkies through human populations, to become H1K9-Sapiens, has now gone on a cattle drive through cow populations globally.
Beaking New!! Worst fears realized! The bird flu that fled the nest to take flight through dog populations globally, dubbed “AVI=BARK 21,” then muttated feather to leave the kennel and take a walkies through human populations, to become H1K9-Sapiens, has now gone on a cattle drive through cow populations globally.
Top dog at America’s Canine Avian Cow Disease Control, Dr. Rook-bert Red-heffer, has confirmed ground zero to be a Guernsey cow named Daisy from the picturesque village of Angusman upon-Quackthames in Bark-shire, England. The region is renowned the world over for its award winning Chedduck, Wensleymoo, and Red Setter Leicester cheeses.
It is believed Daisy fell ill after chewing on GRASS dropped by party goers from an illegal rave-n in her pasture the night before. Daisy reported feelings of paranoia, impaired memory, and cow-ordination issues. Despite this, she has retained her usual good humour and finds its udderly hilarious she caught a bug after enjoying some GRASS. Daisy was con-farmed to be positive for the new variant, christened Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22 by (P)ug (C)ow (R)etriever at 112 cycle fetc-hold.
When a reporter from Beakzo’s newly acquired Le Moo-nde insisted on evidence for the starling claim that H1K9-Sapiens had leapt species barriers to infect cows and become Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22, Dr. Red-heffer deftly referenced the initial sequencing of the joint Daisy had taken a big hit of. De Novaguernsey sequencing revealed evidence of a man-made Gain of Fiction lab-rador leak. On the inside of the paper used to roll the spliff, a new genome was printed.
Next-Gen Hereford sequencing feather con-farmed the man-made nature of this hybrid bug. The weed traced back to a lab in Amsterdairy, the Rizla’s were sourced from a factory in Moo Zealand, and the genome was concocted with the assistance of software from Microsoft Offsprey 365 - the only place where all members of the health freedom movement can unanimously agree that viruses truly exist in pure, rabid, self-replicating Gain of Fresian form. An Epsowl printer physically imprinted the genome on the Rizla.
Experts from the Warbler Heifer Organization advise consulting with healthcare professionals for any cow exhibiting unusual signs. Mild symptoms of Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22 include:
Tai Chi: Early morning, cows assemble in V-formation to practice Tai chi. The serene, fluid motions of Tai Chi combined with focused breathing techniques promote relaxation and alleviate the stress levels they feel about being culled for viruses that don’t exist.
Laughter Milkers: Farmers are reporting that their dairy herds have started uncontrollably giggling during milking sessions, posing a real challenge for them.
Udderly Amusing: Cows attempting to balance on one leg like Flamingos, often end up in a comical tumble.
Yoga Sessions: Cows have embraced Hatha Moo-ga, a branch of yoga - that birds also like to perch on - that focuses on physical postures (asanas) and breathing techniques (pranayama) to achieve physical and mental balance. It’s widely believed that these yoga sessions help alleviate the stress cows feel amidst complaints about their farts contributing to global warming.
Car Window Enthusiasm: Cows beagle-ly sticking their heads out of car windows during rides to market.
Crossing Crow-nundrum: During cattle drives, cows are adamantly refusing to cross roads unless there are pelican, toucan, or puffin crossings available. Traditional Zebra crossings are now strictly off-limits! Ranchers have been forced to hastily set up quick assemble birdy crossings that cows insist on before they will consider proceeding to market.
Long Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22 is far more serious and has resulted in relationship difficulties with dairy farmers, ranchers, and has tragically sometimes even resulted in injury or even death. Disturbing signs include:
Guard Dog Glare: Staring down and mooing in a menacing manner, at anyone who comes near their udders.
Panic Paintings: In a curious twist of identity politics, Fresian cows have been spotted feverishly painting over their iconic white patches with black. It seems that in the current climate-change, these white patches are no longer considered desirable
Pride Parades: Whenever rainbows grace the sky, herds of cows swiftly organize impromptu pride parades. Spectators are amazed by the cows’ ability to book A-list Deejays, market the events, and ensure unlimited supplies of grass for everyone. This heifer-nistic lifestyle has impacted milk quality, sending prices tumbling.
Perhaps the most disturbing signs of Long Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22 are:
V-FORMATION CATTLE DRIVES: Recently, herds of cows have been spotted majestically moo-ving in V-formation down bustling transport arteries, urging migratory geese to ease their pace. Huge traffic jams have become the norm. Adding to the chaos, reports have been flying into police stations detailing instances of cow herds leaping off cliffs in a desperate bid to follow migratory birds.
Roosting Riots: A bizarre phenomenon has been observed where cows engage in fierce skirmishes among themselves to secure scarce roosting spots on barn rafters.
This unprecedented hybrid virus, merging avian, canine, and human traits, presents daunting challenges as it crosses species boundaries, prompting health officials and researchers to urgently decipher its implications.
So, ladies and gentlemen, keep those tails wagging and noses twitching for all the latest pup-dates. And remember, try not to get in a flap, when all around are barking mad! From all the pack at Canine News Network, have an awesome evening and stay paws-itive!
Beaking New!! Worst fears realized! The bird flu that fled the nest to take flight through dog populations globally, dubbed “AVI=BARK 21,” then muttated feather to leave the kennel and take a walkies through human populations, to become H1K9-Sapiens, has now gone on a cattle drive through cow populations globally.
Top dog at America’s Canine Avian Cow Disease Control, Dr. Rook-bert Red-heffer, has confirmed ground zero to be a Guernsey cow named Daisy from the picturesque village of Angusman upon-Quackthames in Bark-shire, England. The region is renowned the world over for its award winning Chedduck, Wensleymoo, and Red Setter Leicester cheeses.
It is believed Daisy fell ill after chewing on GRASS dropped by party goers from an illegal rave-n in her pasture the night before. Daisy reported feelings of paranoia, impaired memory, and cow-ordination issues. Despite this, she has retained her usual good humour and finds its udderly hilarious she caught a bug after enjoying some GRASS. Daisy was con-farmed to be positive for the new variant, christened Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22 by (P)ug (C)ow (R)etriever at 112 cycle fetc-hold.
When a reporter from Beakzo’s newly acquired Le Moo-nde insisted on evidence for the starling claim that H1K9-Sapiens had leapt species barriers to infect cows and become Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22, Dr. Red-heffer deftly referenced the initial sequencing of the joint Daisy had taken a big hit of. De Novaguernsey sequencing revealed evidence of a man-made Gain of Fiction lab-rador leak. On the inside of the paper used to roll the spliff, a new genome was printed.
Next-Gen Hereford sequencing feather con-farmed the man-made nature of this hybrid bug. The weed traced back to a lab in Amsterdairy, the Rizla’s were sourced from a factory in Moo Zealand, and the genome was concocted with the assistance of software from Microsoft Offsprey 365 - the only place where all members of the health freedom movement can unanimously agree that viruses truly exist in pure, rabid, self-replicating Gain of Fresian form. An Epsowl printer physically imprinted the genome on the Rizla.
Experts from the Warbler Heifer Organization advise consulting with healthcare professionals for any cow exhibiting unusual signs. Mild symptoms of Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22 include:
Tai Chi: Early morning, cows assemble in V-formation to practice Tai chi. The serene, fluid motions of Tai Chi combined with focused breathing techniques promote relaxation and alleviate the stress levels they feel about being culled for viruses that don’t exist.
Laughter Milkers: Farmers are reporting that their dairy herds have started uncontrollably giggling during milking sessions, posing a real challenge for them.
Udderly Amusing: Cows attempting to balance on one leg like Flamingos, often end up in a comical tumble.
Yoga Sessions: Cows have embraced Hatha Moo-ga, a branch of yoga - that birds also like to perch on - that focuses on physical postures (asanas) and breathing techniques (pranayama) to achieve physical and mental balance. It’s widely believed that these yoga sessions help alleviate the stress cows feel amidst complaints about their farts contributing to global warming.
Car Window Enthusiasm: Cows beagle-ly sticking their heads out of car windows during rides to market.
Crossing Crow-nundrum: During cattle drives, cows are adamantly refusing to cross roads unless there are pelican, toucan, or puffin crossings available. Traditional Zebra crossings are now strictly off-limits! Ranchers have been forced to hastily set up quick assemble birdy crossings that cows insist on before they will consider proceeding to market.
Long Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22 is far more serious and has resulted in relationship difficulties with dairy farmers, ranchers, and has tragically sometimes even resulted in injury or even death. Disturbing signs include:
Guard Dog Glare: Staring down and mooing in a menacing manner, at anyone who comes near their udders.
Panic Paintings: In a curious twist of identity politics, Fresian cows have been spotted feverishly painting over their iconic white patches with black. It seems that in the current climate-change, these white patches are no longer considered desirable
Pride Parades: Whenever rainbows grace the sky, herds of cows swiftly organize impromptu pride parades. Spectators are amazed by the cows’ ability to book A-list Deejays, market the events, and ensure unlimited supplies of grass for everyone. This heifer-nistic lifestyle has impacted milk quality, sending prices tumbling.
Perhaps the most disturbing signs of Long Avi-Bark Sapi-Moo 22 are:
V-FORMATION CATTLE DRIVES: Recently, herds of cows have been spotted majestically moo-ving in V-formation down bustling transport arteries, urging migratory geese to ease their pace. Huge traffic jams have become the norm. Adding to the chaos, reports have been flying into police stations detailing instances of cow herds leaping off cliffs in a desperate bid to follow migratory birds.
Roosting Riots: A bizarre phenomenon has been observed where cows engage in fierce skirmishes among themselves to secure scarce roosting spots on barn rafters.
This unprecedented hybrid virus, merging avian, canine, and human traits, presents daunting challenges as it crosses species boundaries, prompting health officials and researchers to urgently decipher its implications.
So, ladies and gentlemen, keep those tails wagging and noses twitching for all the latest pup-dates. And remember, try not to get in a flap, when all around are barking mad! From all the pack at Canine News Network, have an awesome evening and stay paws-itive!