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Factscinator's avatar

Gorilla-ping News! Worst Fears Realized! Monkey Bug swings to Humans!

Good evening! This is Wolf Howler, swinging in live from Chimp News Network. Tonight’s tree top story: The Monkeypox virus, which has been monkeying around in primate populations for years, has finally swung over to humans. Dubbed “Homo-Primate 1,” or HP-1 for short, this capricious virus is causing bizarre and comical symptoms across the globe, leaving health officials scratching their heads - and their armpits.

Top baboon at Chimp Disease Control, Dr. Anthony Fauchimpanzee con-furmed that ground zero was a Chinese supermarket worker newly arrived from King Kong at the famous grocery chain “Banana Republic.” Wang Chimpao, 33, fell ill after after handling a particularly suspicious banana. Sequenced by Genetic Gibbon, the banana was found to have the letters M-O-N-K-E-Y-P-O-X laser-printed on its peel in Comic Ape MS font. Fauchimpanzee remarked at the press conference that this was the first recorded case of zoonotic transmission from monkeys to humans via digital graffiti.

As the virus swings into action, experts advise consulting with a doctor should unusual behaviours occur. Mild symptoms include –

Fruit hoarding: Those affected by HP-1 have developed a compulsion to stash fruit everywhere – pockets, bags, desk drawers - fearing an impending banana shortage.

Chimp Chat: Patients mimic others’ voices, with the enthusiasm of a cheeky parrot, leading to awkward situations.

Banana Peel Banter: A tendency to toss banana peels over the shoulder after eating, making any surface a potential slip-and-slide hazard.

Footsie Fixation: Using feet for everyday tasks, such as picking up objects, changing TV channels, or teeth brushing, much to the amusement and confusion of onlookers.

For those experiencing long Hp-1, here’s what to look for -

Primate Posture: Victims develop a slouched, knuckle-walking gait, causing slow, shuffling movements that signal extreme fatigue.

Vine Swinger Reflex: An uncontrollable desire to grab anything hanging - curtains, power cords, or subway strap handles. The sight of humans doing Tarzan like swings between strap handles is hilarious until someone loses a tooth from excessive swinging.

Loose Sexual Mores: Swingers’ clubs have become the latest viral sensation, and fears loom large over other transmissible diseases.

Tree Top Napper: Sudden, irresistible urges to climb anything tall and take a nap – be it a bookshelf, a ladder, or a co-worker - leading to a spate of accidents.

Coconut Crackdown: An inexplicable compulsion to smash open coconuts with bare hands or heads, often mistaking other round objects for coconuts, with regrettable outcomes.

Health officials urge everyone to keep an eye out for these symptoms and consult with a healthcare professional if you find yourself acting a little too …. Primate for comfort. Dr. Fauchimpanzee leaves us with more inimitable words of wisdom, “Stay vigilant, stay calm, and whatever you do – don’t feed the monkeys!

He also reassured the public that, as of now, no jab is required for HP-1. “let’s not go bananas here,” he quipped. The only shot you need in this monkey business is a strong cup of Green Tea – trust me - it’s way more effective at keeping you awake during all this primate pandem -ic – monium! And if things get hairy, just remember: a little Zen and some sushi might do the trick”!”

Stay tuned for all the latest monkey business with Wolf Howler at Chimp News Network!

John Roberts's avatar

Absolutely perfect.

Wit, humor and truth rolled into one.

Might even make a great Saturday morning cartoon series.

Well done !!!

Factscinator's avatar

LOL 😀😀 HUGE THANKS for positive feedback. Has got me swinging again!!

Skupe's avatar

Love it. Very funny! IMHO, they should give up on the shots all together!

Factscinator's avatar

It's time to stop all the monkey business! Bananas how this charade has gone on for so wrong! If we keep buying into the Germ Theory Fraud!, this monkey madness will leave us with nothing but peanuts - and dead loved ones!

Tom Herzog's avatar

You're more fun than a barrel of monkeys! (No need for the pox.)

c morrow's avatar

Is there any way I can copy this and put it on another subtract called coffee and covid? This is hilarious and very well done. Thank you so much for making it to what it is. It's just a joke. It's a sad joke but it is funny the way you expressed yourself!

Factscinator's avatar

HUGE THANKS 👍👍 Sometimes we laugh when ‘truths‘ are mocked.

MusicMan's avatar

Seriously. Do people STILL believe in the fraud germ theory, the equally fraudulent virology, and the ultimate fraud: the act of vaccination?

READ AND LEARN THE HISTORY:

https://officialbrendanmurphy.substack.com/p/5-huge-historical-vaccine-frauds

Factscinator's avatar

The most musical condemnations of a false paradigm come in three's: Belssimo!

Roger Sterling's avatar

Why to I have a feeling that these so called vaccines are a form of social Darwinism...in which the stupid should die? Anyone that buys this crap deserves what they get....I know it sounds harsh but one gets tired of the stupid. Pax

Factscinator's avatar

Here we go again: The World Homocide Organizing of people at the point of a needle!

Unjabbed Mick (UK)'s avatar

Here we go again?

The next Scamdemic we knew was planned.

Some were betting on Bird Flu being the favourite, but perhaps GoF lab work on that virus couldn’t make it deadly enough?

Breaking;

More suspect CDC/FDA certified Smallpox injections/vaccines have just been revealed?

All they need to do now is sprinkle a little mRNA into the MVA vax cauldron and it’ll add to the increasing armoury of deadly injections to compliment the ‘now out of fashion’ Covid ‘Vax’.

Bird Flu ‘vax’ and MoneyPox ‘vax’ are still being promoted to keep the depopulating human cull going!

Bill Gates is by far the biggest financer (Benefactor = INFLUENCER) of the, now CORRUPT and therefore obsolete, WHO! corrupted.

The World Health Organisation has just declared MoneyPox the next International Scamdemic because (World-wide) TWO PEOPLE died from the virus (supposedly) in July 2024.

On average, in the whole world, less than ONE PERSON per month has died from their, now preferred, disease in each of the preceding 12 months.

Tedros ‘the vet’ that runs the WHO declared an international EMERGENCY!

No doubt Pfizer, et al, will announce a new mRNA (DEADLY) ‘VACCINE’ will be ready within a few days???

And still Pfizer, Moderna, etc,

claim zero LIABILITY for their DEADLY Injections they call “VACCINES.

Unjabbed Mick (UK) I’ll live longer without unproven but deadly mRNA injections!

Retired Medical-Tech Writer's avatar

Dr. Nass has banned commenters on the topic of "viral non-existence". Don't be surprised if she blocks you from future comments

Larry J's avatar

I am not “viral non-existence” person. I believe in Ebola and E. coli and many other bacteria and viruses are real. I don’t believe the human body needs the intervention of injections! Fly kites if you don’t like my choice not to get a shot!

Larry J's avatar

I am for scraping all vaccines and the practice of injecting humans with foreign substances. I watch Ferrell cats never get a shot and live healthy lives. They have a higher chance of getting killed by a car than a disease. I believe the effects of injections are unknown and unpredictable and not worth the risk. I believe humans are better off fighting sickness through their innate immune system.

Donna Sudbrook's avatar

Below are my thoughts on every new illness.

I am so thankful for you and Dr. Paul Marik, Dr. Pierre Kory, Dr. Andrew Saul, Dr. Joseph Mercola, and so so many amazing people who have sacrificed so much to bring us truth. I will never be able to thank you all enough for all you have saved us from, so I pray to God to bless and keep you and yours and to thank you in all the ways that I can not in this life.

Praying for miraculous change.

Sending information today to a person with late stage Lou Gehrig's disease.

As Dr. Hulda Clark says in her 1995 book "The Cure for All Diseases" page 46

"There is no disease that can outwit you if you know enough about it. Not even Lou Gehrig's disease, nor asthma or diabetes! Read how the people in the case studies made themselves well. Read why some failed. You have an advantage they did not have. Their instructions were hard to carry out because they had to have faith in them. You don't. ..................... All illness comes from two causes, PARASITES and POLLUANTS. Only two causes! This is what simplifies the picture to make it possible for you to cure yourself."

can download this book for free as a pdf at this link ..... https://drclarkstore.com/collections/books/products/the-cure-for-all-diseases

Today we have an advantage even beyond the methods and suggestions in the Dr. Hulda Clark 1995 book ..... we have ivermectin, high dose divided dose vitamin c, liposomal vitamin c, IV vitamin c, and vitamin d research and a whole host of other medical research in the last 29 years on the orthomolecular medicine and repurposed drug side.

Orthomolecular medicine is using substances known to the body .... pharmaceuticals must be patented so by definition are not known to the body so are toxic in some way in spite of potential benefit. Fraudulent manipulated studies are rampant. Studies designed solely to disparage, diminish the use of new medical advances that will threaten profits are used to pressure medical professionals to stay within the status quo.

An acquaintance with a child with severe autism mentioned Dr. Hulda Clark to me in the summer of 2020 during a discussion of my newfound knowledge that "oh my goodness....look at all these really good medical treatments that are being hidden!" and she said in a way :) "you ain't seen nothing yet" .... and she was right.

4 years later I'm sending pages of info to someone I don't know who has Lou Gehrig's with the message .........have you seen this? these things might make you well because they will get at the root cause of almost everything ...... or is it everything? Word of mouth we have to find the medical professionals who are healing these things we think are "hard to cure" because of Erin Elizabeth's list of apparently now 115 medical professionals who have been murdered to stop their successful medical research.

orthomolecular medicine and repurposed drugs

iv vitamin c, high divided doses of vitamin c, liposomal vitamin c, ivermectin fenbendazole, doxycycline berberine floridasharkman.org with the links to studies in NIH's Pub Med database to back it up ..... "The Vitamin D Solution" 2010 book by 40 year pioneer vitamin d researcher Dr Michael Holick

The medical answers are not hard. Understanding the ruthlessness of the pharmaceutical monopoly and its deadly embrace with the U.S. Government and U.S. media is hard. But like a Readers Digest Condensed book story that I read in my youth... years and years ago .... in a house of chaos, the 2 characters just walked through the house and out the back door ....choosing not to engage with the chaos and we can do the same thing.

Even just with 2000-3000mg of vitamin c a day (Dr. Linus Pauling says that will get rid of 80% of heart disease and he has 2 Nobel prizes and an Institute .... Linus Pauling Institute at Oregon State University)

and

even just with 1000 IU of vitamin d a day Dr. Holick says in his book from age 0-99 (or sensible sunshine 15-45 minutes a day depending on fair to dark skin, during parts of the year based on location) Dr. Michael Holick says 50 % of heart disease in the U.S. could be eliminated with higher levels of vitamin d in the blood (over 45, over 60 often recommended now) page 245-246 of Dr. Michael Holick's (a 40 year researcher on vitamin D) published in his 2010 book, "The Vitamin D Solution" ...................... "For some, even physicians, it's incomprehensible that vitamin D can reduce the risk of heart attack by as much as 50 percent; reduce the risk of common cancers of the colon, prostate, and breast by as much as 50 percent; reduce the risk of infections [typo in book? infectious?) diseases, including influenza, by as much as 90 percent; reduce the risk of type 1 diabetes by 78 percent in a child who gets 2000 IU of vitamin D a day in the first year of life; decrease the risk of type 2 diabetes; decrease the risk of dementia and depression; wipe out cases of fibromyalgia that have been misdiagnosed; and dramatically decrease the risk of multiple sclerosis and other auto-immune diseases. When in doubt, I always go back to this simple fact; every tissue and cell in the body has a vitamin D receptor." end of excerpt from page 245-246 of Dr. Michael Holick's book "The Vitamin D Solution".

and like Dr. Paul Marik says in his December 2020 Houston news conference about ivermectin "it is a gift". When tens even hundreds of millions of people were being given ivermectin in 2020 but the U.S. was shunning, censoring, disparaging, diminishing it ... it made sense .... if parasites/viruses/microorganisms are a source of all illness, disease, cancer, and ivermectin is a 2015 Nobel Prize winning medication with a long safety record ..... anti viral, anti parasitic ...........

at learntherisk.org it says "PHARMA: AN INDUSTRY THAT PUTS PROFITS BEFORE PATIENTS?

The pharmaceutical industry is one of the largest moneymakers in the world, with more than a trillion dollars in profits every year. It’s an industry that heavily influences our healthcare system, yet, it only profits when people are sick. Many people don’t realize that there’s no money made off healthy people. " so a $1 trillion in profits is at stake in a $4.6 trillion a year U.S. healthcare industry and all of the power that that buys.

with floridasharkman.org 's protocols for Lyme's, Glioblastoma, etc, etc....

what won't these protocols cure? includes ivermectin, fenbendazole, doxycycline, berberine

60 day anti-viral protocol, 2 week break, and then the monthly Protocol B until NED (no evidence of disease) and the links to NIH's Pub Med database of studies to back all of of this up.

Praise the Lord. Every good and perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of Light and Life and Happiness. Thank you Jesus. Please bless and comfort everyone on this earth today. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Andy Fox's avatar

All "vitamins" are synthetic chemicals; https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ciencia/ciencia_industrybigpharma97.htm

Dr Tom Cowan Dec 2022 Webinar - Vitamin D: Friend or Foe?

bitchute.com/video/Cpv1XrGHXBB1

Big thanks to MusicMan for the time stamps!!

Most of the webinar features Dr Cowan reviewing various Vitamin D studies. Selected points from the webinar:

* 21:37 - We are not actually dealing with a vitamin. D3 is a steroid hormone like testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, and prednisone are called steroid hormones because they are metabolites of cholesterol

* 23:30 - People have a reduction in their symptoms of detoxification or inflammation when you give them a steroid hormone while making the overall situation worse. The inflammation is occurring to help heal the underlying issue, but the steroid hormones stop the process

* 31:50 - All the randomized control trials featuring Vitamin D supplementation are yielding very disappointing results, sometimes worsening

* 41:33 - The processing of vitamin D in the skin has evolved in a way that protects against potential toxicity. In contrast, oral vitamin D has only been a strategy for the last ~100 years and there is no protective adaptation

* 42:50 - Oral supplementation with D3 is associated with many health problems, but not associated if we get our vitamin D from the sun or by the fat of animals who themselves have been exposed to sunlight throughout their lives

* 44:05 - Sun exposure definitely is associated with decreased all-cause mortality, something that has never been found with D3 supplements

Summary/Wrap-up:

* 52:43 - Vitamin D is actually a steroid hormone made from cholesterol in the skin exposed to UVB light

* 53:31 - Natural production results in multiple metabolites of Vitamin D that are health-giving & life supporting

* 53:32 - Sun exposure is the only way humans are meant to restore their supplies of this very important hormone, with the exception of in the winter eating the fat of animals that have spent their lives in the sun and have stored Vitamin D

* 54:25 - There are essentially no benefits and a lot of toxicity from supplementation. A lot of the increase in modern illnesses may be somewhat related to increasing D3 supplementation

* 54:50 - I don't see any reason to take any Vitamin D3 in any food supplement, pill, decoction, liquid, etc

* 55:14 - The only healthful ways to get Vitamin D are through mid-day sun exposure or eating the fat of animals that themselves have spent their lives in the sun

* 55:38 - For those that live in northern climates in the winter without access to UVB light from the sun, use a UVB lamp/lightbox

Jan Barendrecht's avatar

Indeed, both Vit A and D can be deadly as they're fat soluble, contrary to water soluble vitamins like C, excess of which get flushed out via urine quickly. Using food containing carotenoids, production of vit A is self-limited and the same goes for vit D via the skin. Hence the issue has been reported:

https://medium.com/@IsabellaTaylor11/man-dies-after-consuming-too-much-vitamin-d-experts-warn-of-risks-cascade-of-problems-6bb29b15c617

https://www.telegraphindia.com/north-east/child-dies-of-vitamin-a-overdose/cid/528896

Donna Sudbrook's avatar

interesting .... thank you for the information.

I just looked up Dr. Tom Cowen https://drtomcowan.com/pages/my-bio

"Dr. Cowan attended Duke University, graduating in 1977 Summa Cum Laude with a degree in biology. He then served as a Peace Corps volunteer in Swaziland, Africa, from 1977 to 1980, teaching gardening in a secondary school. It was in Swaziland where he encountered the work of Weston A. Price and Rudolf Steiner, two of the greatest influences on his career. After the Peace Corps, he attended medical school in his home state of Michigan at the Michigan State College of Human Medicine, graduating in 1984.

Dr. Cowan lives with his wife, Lynda, on rural farmland in Upstate New York. He has three children, one stepson and seven thriving grandchildren. He is an avid gardener, and recently added several sheep and barn kittens to his growing farmstead. "

Weston Price ............ very interesting ......... they have information on raw milk .... half the states allow sales to the public, half don't give or take.... various details....

wonder if raw milk from grass fed cows would be a good way to replace supplements. https://www.realmilk.com/

Andy Fox's avatar

You're welcome.

Cowan co-authored a book early on in the plan-demic, read it in full at the following link (although ignore the "exosome" stuff as he's since moved on from that line of thinking.)

https://greatreject.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/2_5364066440741653295.pdf

Some interesting info. on Ivermectin at the following link;

https://www.pipelinepharma.com/ivermectin-manufacturers

In the section "Patent Information" it states; "the drugs patent IS (present tense) held by Merck..."

In the section "Ivermectin Manufacturers it states; "several pharmaceutical companies manufacture Ivermectin, MERCK, Zoetis, Cipla..."

From "The Lancet"; Deaths Associated with Ivermectin Treatment of Scabies https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(05)63020-6/abstract "Between Nov 10, 1995, and May 10, 1996, 15 of the 47 who had received ivermectin died, compared with five of the age-matched and sex-matched cohort. Those in the ivermectin group developed a sudden change in behaviour with lethargy, anorexia, and listlessness which preceded death”😮

Skupe's avatar

Orthomolecular medicine is the only kind I take!

MICHAEL ANGEL LOAYZA JR's avatar

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Andy Fox's avatar

These key words may help you; made-up, propaganda, behavioral, psychology, not-real 😉

Chjuhnke's avatar

Can’t get beyond …”MVA-BN causes problems in HIV positive recipients, as found in prelicensure trials in the FDA file.” How many of the at-risk population for monkeypox are HIV positive?!

Meryl Nass's avatar

In one collection nearly 50%--these are the folks who are apparently most easily frightened and induced to be vaccinated.

Babu's avatar

I'm writing from Bujumbura, Burundi and just this morning gave a talk to managers of a large NGO about Mon(k)ey-pox. As of Aug. 15th, Burundi officially reported nearly 483 "suspect" cases and 119 "confirmed" and ZERO deaths. The point of the talk was mainly to provide good info to tone-down rising concern over the recent official government announcement of the disease in this country without providing information on relative risk. In the absence of any info on what to do to avoid the possibility of getting infected, and exaggerations of the risk, people get worried.

I worked in DR-Congo over a 13 year period 1987 -2000 and elsewhere in central Africa. If the DRC death toll is to be taken at face value, it stands to reason that the ravages of war, civil strife, leave a lot of malnutrition among the poor, making children especially susceptible to disease...

BUT there's another reason DRC's children suffer severe consequences from survivable illness: traditional remedies given in the belief that the disease is a poison or some other malevolent force. When a real illness hits the panic to remedy the cause leads to the use of toxic substances given by means of enemas concocted with plain water and a 'tea' of the purported medicine. I recall a pair of month-old twins who developed mild "diarrhea" [may even have been healthy newborn liquid stool] who began to bleed from the rectum. The parents admitted to administering enemas and when asked what they had used to get the "med" in was shown a crude steel tube that was not smooth-edged. Sadly the mom or whoever administered the enema may have injured both babies who then had blood loss to contend with in addition to whatever might have ailed them. They both died quickly after the rectal bleeding started. Another case is a grandmother who gave her grandson an enema known to have included tobacco leaf tea for what the description points to was mere gassiness with a bit of colic. Child was dead by the same evening.

This is just a glimpse of rampant use of traditional medicine enemas on babies and young children who are, or are perceived, to be sick. I believe anecdotally, that many die of their traditional treatments than of the disease. Panic sets in and parents do whatever they are told by older tribal and family members. We are right to wonder whether Mone(k)ey-pox is the actual cause of death.

And just so you know, I have taken part in the search for traditional remedies that work. One such useful natural product was found. I do not see the horror of many traditional remedies without an eye open for the potential good one in the mix. Even without this new scourge, if that's what it is, many children die throughout this central African region from lack of effective treatment, being in a precarious state to begin with, and then getting the shove into the grave by a well-intentioned but panicked mother, aunty, grandmother wielding a traditional medicine that is toxic or is administered in such a way that it does harm rather than good.

Andy Fox's avatar

"...The sudden appearance of monkeypox was the perfect cover story for the WHO to use in order to keep the myth of the eradication of smallpox alive and to cover-up adverse reactions to vaccination...."

Read Mike Stones article in full here;

https://viroliegy.com/2022/01/05/was-smallpox-really-eradicated/

All of Mike's monkey/small/chickenpox articles are worth reading; https://viroliegy.com/?s=monkey+pox

Stefani S's avatar

"vaccine" development is BULLSHIT! Is that not clear yet??!!

Gerry_O'C's avatar

... the 'key' to this apparent outbreak, may be discovered in it's poorly camouflaged 'money-pox', i know!... hardly original Meryl, however we must agree it's bananas?!...great material above, will read it after a strong cappuccino!...i saw someone or spokesperson implied that it eludes diagnostic tests, which is ominous!...(edit: 'This new deadly strain may escape diagnostic tests.'... https://anaksvengorkkarpit.substack.com/p/je-tu-sezona-pandemii-opicie-kiahne?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=901885&post_id=147740064&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=1uo2p8&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email ...it looks as if it's calibrated to play into the hands of the surveillance state, and national and international security, making that two cappucinos Meryl!..)

Meryl Nass's avatar

Actually I AM the first person I know of to come up with the moneypox moniker if you go back to 2022

Gerry_O'C's avatar

... 😱😂🤐...jayz, that's some coincidence!...u know, now that u mention it, i vaguely recall?...something...i accept that indeed u did, 'cause it did have a familiar ring to it...i didn't get to read the article fully yet!...🙏➕🙏...